Why has it been hard to get to this?
I've been home 18 days.
We're unloaded, the house and yard are cleaned up.
Beka was here for a week.
I'm trying to get my bearings.
I just figured out why I'm so weary ...
here's a re-cap of my last year!
(Just the times when I was away from home -
details in previous entries😉)
Oct 5 - Nov 14, 2017 I was gone 5 weeks!
We drove Beka's Corolla to Nashville, Cinci, Grand Rapids,
2 weeks with Mom, Cinci and Cleveland ...
Dec 14 - Jan 18, 2018 I was gone 5 weeks!
We drove to Nashville, Chicago, Nashville, Cinci,
Mom's, Chicago, Frisco ...
April 2 - 24, 2018 I was gone 3 weeks!
Drove to Nashville ...
June 12 - August 8th, 2018 I was gone 8 weeks!
Flew to Toledo then to Mom's, drove to Kalamazoo,
Nashville, 4 weeks with Mom, and Detroit ...
August 27 - Oct 1, 1018 I was gone 5 weeks!
Flew to Detroit then to Mom's - drove home!
Total of 26 weeks away in just over a year!
So much happened ...
trying to give myself the time and space
to sort it all out and to heal in a healthy way.
This will be a long, detailed entry and I don't
expect anyone to read it. I just have to write
about it all before I forget what was so
impactful!
impactful!
While I was home for 2 weeks in August -
other sibs were there with Mom.
Joe was able to get her outside in her transport chair
to see her new stoop and beautiful yard.
This was her last time outside...
I flew into Detroit on August 27th.
Beka and Root picked me up
and I spent the night with them.
The next day I drove her car to Mom’s
stopping for a month of groceries at Costco, etc.
Joe was happy to get reinforcements!
Had 4 days at Mom's with Joe.
On the 31st Mom fell backward into her tub.
She seemed to be ok enough for me to leave
the next day to drive back to Detroit
to bring Beka her car and spend the night
to help with Root as Beka had 4 Glinda shows!
I got to see Beka as Glinda on Sat eve, with
family friends, Greg and Laurie Laurer!
I had great walks with Root and Dog Park times.
The Detroit Jazz Festival was going on, too!
A nice little break.
A nice little break.
Mom wasn't doing well, so Beka and I left after
the Sunday evening show and got to Mom's
after midnight. Beka was able to spend time with
Mom the next morning before leaving for Tulsa on the 3rd!
Joe was planning to leave the next day but
told Mom that she needed to have a hospital bed
before he felt free to leave me alone there!
The bed arrived after Joe left but what a blessing!
Mom loved it and it was easier in so many ways!
The next few days got increasingly difficult...
Mom struggled more and more. The aide called a
nurse in. Mom had a fever, got on antibiotics, needed
help for everything and was very weak and tired.
On the 8th Steve's family came to visit and spend the night.
What a great time but Mom was weak and it became more and
more difficult to move here from her bed to the commode.
On the 10th the aide came and saw a definite decline...
Thankfully Lisa came that day!!
We had a very difficult time getting mom
on and off the commode.
on and off the commode.
The next day Lisa and I were both able to talk real with Mom.
We didn't know how we'd be able to handle much more.
The morning of the 12th we got up early to have our
coffee and wake up before what we anticipated being
a hard day, though we didn't expect what followed.
Mom woke up at 7:30 am. She still had regular
breathing but even with her regular meds seemed
restless. We called hospice in and were so thankful
they came quickly and knew how to help.
She needed more meds and seemed quite
agitated. Her oxygen level dropped to 8.
She was coherent for a couple hours...
but soon became unconscious. We
played her favorite Andre Rieu music, held her
played her favorite Andre Rieu music, held her
hands and head and told her we loved her.
She passed at 11:22 am.
We kept telling her it was ok for her to leave us...
that we would be fine ... that she raised a bunch
of great kids who were quite capable!
We said we'd handle it!!
WHOA.... Now we saw the task in front
of us and wondered what we were thinking?!?!?
After dealing with hospice and the funeral home people,
Lisa and I got cleaned up and ready to go.
We had a funeral to plan and arrangements
for all the family coming in!
for all the family coming in!
We went to the funeral home, the florist, and the
church! We rallied and decisions were made!
Something we'd never done before!
We were exhausted by 3 so went to the Garrison
(a nice restaurant in Fremont) for chill time!
De-stress time!
We spent the next couple days getting the house
cleaned and organized for people coming in!
On the 14th Carrie, Joe, and Steve came!
We visited the gravesite up the road and
offered a toast to our Dad and Mom!
So wonderful to have a big family!
Tom got in on the 15th!
We decided we needed 24 hrs of sibling time!
We posted a sign on the garage saying just that.
Time to think, plan, grieve ... just be together.
Also took time to put our colored tags on things
in the house we would want. If more than one color
was on an item, it was peacefully worked out between sibs!
What a blessing to have a great family -
no need for any lawyer to work out disputes!
I turned 63 on the 17th!
Got flowers from my friend, Sue,
but celebrating will have to wait!
The welcoming party!
I was so happy and completely overwhelmed that
all my family wanted to come and made it happen!
Tim left Arizona on the 15th. Spent a night in New Mexico,
then a night in Tulsa where is scooped up Beka,
(The 16th was our 40th wedding anniversary ...
that celebration will have to wait, too! 😊)
then on to Nashville to pick up James.
They got to Fremont in time for the vigil
at the funeral home on the 18th!
Clay, Rachel and Deb flew into Detroit
at the funeral home on the 18th!
Clay, Rachel and Deb flew into Detroit
and got in about the same time!
We spent the 18th at the Funeral home for the viewing
from 1-7:30, when the vigil started.
Many friends and family stopped by all day.
Experiencing the Fremont community, again,
was very touching. So great to see so many dear ones.
was very touching. So great to see so many dear ones.
Tim and all the kids got there by 7.
It was so wonderful to have all my family in Fremont
with me. I've had so many times there without them😞
Beka was asked to sing a portion of "For Good"
from Wicked. This is all that was recorded.
Totally brought tears to many eyes...
Because we knew mom we'd all been
changed for good!!!
Tom sang as well ...
Then all the family went out to the Depot ...
A favorite hang out from our high school days!
How amazing to be there with all the family!
The whole family was there ... except Joe's wife
and daughter Emily! All the aunts and uncles!
15 cousins!! How very special for each of us!
This was just one of the best times ever!!!
Then everyone came out to the house...
so strange to be there before we say bye to it!
We were at the funeral home at 9 am the next morning.
Time together before heading to the church
for the funeral mass.
for the funeral mass.
My sweet sisters!
My wonderful kids!
My darling daughters!
My kids at the service.
All 9 grandsons were the pallbearers.
At the graveside service...
Tom sang "Will the Circle be UnBroken!"
How very very perfect -
Many tears from all of us!
Amazing to be here with all my family -
at the cemetery we grew up playing -
remembering Dad, Mom and life at Gabel's Corners.
The top red dot is our home...
the bottom red dot is the cemetery!
This was our "Hood"!
I know this entire family will
carry on the legacy that began here ...
Even though we are spread across the country!
I think the circle is expanding ... unbroken!
The family!
... at the luncheon provided by the amazing people
of St. Joseph parish.
Joe's family!
Lisa's family!
Tom!
Steve's family!
Carrie's family!
Sam and Brittney!
My kids together!
Special time at the house!
All the 15 crazy cousins ages 11-35!
(missing Emily) ... each so gifted in so many ways!
(missing Emily) ... each so gifted in so many ways!
The WHOLE GANG!
How great to be all together at the homestead...
one last time!
A special visit to the gravesite later that day ...
Heaven shining down on us!
Heaven shining down on us!
Campfire memories -
some had to leave and miss this experience -
We missed them!
Carrie and Steve loaded up and moving on with life!!!
Sam and Brittney were able to stay a few more days.
We toured the family grave sites around town...
of the Grands and the Greats!
We visited old homesteads of many as well!
Then ended up at cousin Sherrie's bar
and had a great evening!
So much family history in the town of Fremont.
When will we be back?
We toured the family grave sites around town...
of the Grands and the Greats!
We visited old homesteads of many as well!
Then ended up at cousin Sherrie's bar
and had a great evening!
So much family history in the town of Fremont.
When will we be back?
Time to get down to business!
Joe, Lisa, Tom and Tim & I stayed on for the next week+.
We made a plan then tackled cleaning out the entire house!!!
Sorting through everything!!
Plus organizing and writing 200 thank you notes!
We're all rockstars - or crazy people!
Hard at work!!
Sorting through sooooooo much!
Toys we played with, old photos, scrapbooks,
many of mom's memories we'd never seen before!
Over 60 years of life in this house!
Tim scanned some special memories ...
Included in a link at the end!
(Lots more to come when I get to all the
old photos I brought home with me!)
Toys we played with, old photos, scrapbooks,
many of mom's memories we'd never seen before!
Over 60 years of life in this house!
Tim scanned some special memories ...
Included in a link at the end!
(Lots more to come when I get to all the
old photos I brought home with me!)
After we all packed up what we wanted ...
we opened up the garage to the Estate GIVE AWAY!!
Most of it went!! Hard to believe we all took so much!
It looks like we gave away everything!
In the midst of our labors - many friends and relatives stopped!
Some really really special bonding times with our dear cousins!
Some really really special bonding times with our dear cousins!
Some of us took our dear Aunt Janie out to breakfast
before we left. She wanted to show us Uncle Dick's
gravesite. Very special.
When our 'job' was done we treated ourselves to a
dinner out at the amazing 'Garrison'!
What a great relaxing time just to be together!
We decided WE DESERVED IT!!!!
Bye bye mom!!
We'll miss you but I think you'd be proud of all of us!
We thank you and love you!
One last toast!!!
We got packed and loaded and left at 6 am on the 29th!
We drove 2000 miles in 3 days - a couple 12 hr days!
On Oct 1st we drove just 10 hrs!!
So happy to be Home!! Gone 5 weeks!!!
I just have to include this...
We powerfully experienced this in so
many ways during these difficult days!
Moral of the story:
NO WALLS - JUST BE!!!
This came to my "little" sister Carrie
at 5:30 am the morning of the funeral.
I would say it's inspired!
JUST BE!!!
by Carrie Phillips
You see what's on your inside
The pain, the hurt, despair
You're looking at other's outside
all primped, polished, prepared
Don't get caught up in comparing
It's a setup, you will always fail
We ALL have imperfections
stay away, it's mental jail
None of us are perfect
we each have beautiful flaws
Embrace you personal struggle
Just please, don't build a wall
Struggles---they're meant to teach us
God allows them to help us grow
He's there along your journey
a wall leads to a big black hole
Do yourself a favor
demolish your tough, exterior wall
In the beginning it will be painful
take baby steps, go slow, just crawl
As the wall comes down, it's freeing
Look around, begin to see
The beauty, it shines through you
No more judging, it's time to JUST BE!!
Now I know why I've been feeling exhausted.
Just the physical output was a lot -
But also so many emotional ups and downs
and so many deep feelings to sort through.
Bottom line - BLESSED!
Blessed to be part of this perfectly imperfect
bunch of amazing people!
It's time to live on
AND LIVE FREE!!
Lots more of everything here:
